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Storytime with Tolz! –> Back in 2019 (lol, Happy New Year Guys ♡) I attended one of the most beautiful weddings. During this wedding, there was an amazing message preached. However, at some point as my mind was flowing and vibing with all that was being said, NEPA took light. (Lmao, the wedding was an outdoor one and was also in Ghana but that’s besides the point.) I mean this figuratively. You know when things make sense.. and then they just don’t anymore and then you make that face:

Yeah, well that was me. It happened after the Pastor began talking about marital sex and was urging wives to ‘give their bodies’ to their husbands but for some reason, diDn’t feEl the nEed to uRge husbAnds as well.


In that moment, I felt – ‘Tolz, shey he reads the same bible you read. Go and see for yourself what he’s talking about.’ So I did and lo and behold the verse states:

“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:4

I read a bit further though…

“In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

1 Corinthians 7:4

In the same way. In.the.same.way. My Feminist outburst was called to peace. And this was because I was able to quickly realise that the verse had not been used in its entirety and that my desire for mutuality within my marriage is not far-fetched. I also later realised that the Pastor was speaking based on his experience counselling women who had issues ‘yielding their body’ and hence weren’t having enough sex with their husbands – but that’s a whole other story.

After finding the verse, I wanted to know more. Because I still felt like giving anyone but God ‘authority’ over one’s body still sounded like a violation and unnecessary invasion. So I found an amazing article on one of my favourite websites (which I highly recommend you all subscribe to!), ‘Desiring God.’ The article, titled: ‘Sexual Intimacy and the Rights over a Spouse’s Body in Marriage’ opened up my mind so much. I was invited to learn more about God’s intention for sex as a powerful tool for intimacy between a married couple.

More importantly, I was introduced to a bible verse which has been ringing in my ears ever since that day in December:

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:10

Hmm, for me this has really deconstructed my idea of what it means to value a person, and to show you genuinely care about them.

The word, ‘honour’ is powerful not just in the context of facilitating enjoyable sex between husband and wife but within life generally. You see, I’ve come to learn that ‘honour’ denotes a sense of evaluation – it is how you view people and esteem them.

Have you ever noticed how the word ‘honour’ is always attached to those in powerful/appraised positions? The Honourable [insert name of Judge], Honour’s Roll, Degree with Honours, the list goes on. But my point still stands. ‘Honour’ is a term used to place a sense of value on something or someone.

In fact, based on my research the word ‘honour’ has earlier biblical translations. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word ‘kabod’ was used whereas for the New Testament, it was the Greek ‘timao.’

Kabod’: heavy, weighty | ‘Timao’: to fix value

Both definitions have left an impression on me because according to Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary, honouring someone is granting them a position of respect in your life. Honouring someone is placing a sense of value on their life and choosing to demonstrate that through careful attention and mindfulness which leads you to want to do that which pleases them and makes them happy.

Honouring someone is treating them with your deeds and words as worthy of your service. (John Piper, 2004)

(Lmao, this WMG referencing style has clearly rubbed off on me a bit tewww much, bear with me. Y’all know I’m educated or whatevuhhhhh😜)

Anyways, it genuinely gives me chills and causes me to stop and reflect because I’m realising that the word ‘honour’ is so powerful. It is precisely how we show we respect someone and want the best for them.

I had a conversation with a friend a while ago surrounding the topic of ‘Submission.’ It was such a powerful discussion which is why I am still able to refer back to it months later! And this time, I’ve recognised that submission is really the means by which we are able to fulfil Romans 12:10.

Submission is ‘taking what you have for the use/benefit of another.’

– Emmanuel Sanya, AW4U

I am learning so much every single day what it means to celebrate other people, to love your neighbour as you love yourself and to truly honour a person simply because they are a child of God. I am learning that as much as I do love me a good compliment, I shouldn’t seek it in unnecessary places, in fact I shouldn’t seek it at all. Period.

Put to death the craving for honor. Cultivate the love of honoring others. (John Piper, 2004)

Because I know that “(s)he who waters, will be watered” (Proverbs 11:25). I know that if I want to be genuine in how I support people and praise their efforts then I cannot secretly compare myself to them in the process. I am learning that to become more authentic in my love for supporting people and being their biggest cheerleader, I need to first and foremost know that I am validated and honoured by my Lord and Saviour. Therefore, I can scream even louder for people because I know who I am but moreso because I appreciate and am inspired by who they are. And that shouldn’t take anything away from me.

It excites me when I see so many people around me just being their authentic selves, walking in the fullness of what God has prepared for them. One of my greatest desires is to honestly have a wardrobe or room filled with products, memories from an event or use of a service – just general memorabilia representing the various businesses, projects, initiatives, achievements, milestones that my loved ones experience. I want to have that because their happiness brings me happiness. And I want to nurture this feeling and desire to honour others. I want to keep learning how to prune it to be as God desires it and how to love effectively.

Just something to ponder on. How will you choose to honour someone in your life today?

Sending Peace & Love your way (always),

By Tolz 👑

My thoughts are best expressed by writing.
So that's what I do - I write.

It's how I make sense of it all.
My prayer is that someone somewhere is blessed or is able to relate to what I write.

"Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them..." ~ Romans 12:6

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