So, I catch feelings. A lot. I have liked, crushed on, entertained – let’s just say I know how to feel and feel deeply when it comes to the ‘love’ department. But something I’ve been discovering lately is that first & foremost, God is so interested in every facet of my being. Like he wants to know about my innermost desires, wants and yup, you guessed it – feelings. He’s interested and yearns for the moments where I cast all my cares unto Him. (1 Peter 5:7) Cares aren’t limited to the various insecurities I’ve discussed at length on this platform, it also includes the cares I may have for another person.
I can’t lie, I don’t particularly like admitting to myself that I might ‘like’ a guy because it makes me feel…weak🙃 I fear falling into the desperado syndrome I’ve possessed time and time again – pining after a guy who quite frankly couldn’t give two shits about me or perhaps put more lovingly, did not like me as much as I liked him.
I fear that whatever I feel may not be reciprocated
and hence put up walls and tend to deny – even to myself – that I have caught them feels.
But lately, I haven’t been able to lie to myself because lying to myself means I’m withholding stuff from God and as the keeper of ALL my secrets, He can tell when something is up and I’m coming to Him with a front, talambout ‘everything’s okay Lord, I just pray for this person, that person and…’
I’m stopped mid-sentence.
He’s noticed. Noticed that I’m not being real with Him and He proceeds to encourage me to tell him all that’s on my mind. In the process of doing so I’ve not only developed so much more intimacy with my Lord and Saviour but I’ve also witnessed how His Holy Spirit is truly a teacher (John 14:26). He’s been teaching me that as much as it is completely natural to have feelings for someone, what’s unnatural is allowing it overwhelm you and making the feelings, the person, the fantasies an idol.
What was once some innocent stomach-butterflies can turn into an evil distraction that leads one astray from seeking God’s will.
Feelings can easily turn into sin if we’re not careful.
Because they are self-serving and self-gratifying. They don’t invite God into the picture and allow Him take control, stirring them in the right direction. Feelings have a mind of their own.
I’ve heard it said that, “love makes you do crazy things” but I’m realising this ‘love’ the world describes is not the love our Father offers us. His love is disciplined and has self-control, it does not demand its own way (1 Cor 13:5).
Hence, if I am to have these feelings legitimately, they need to be surrendered unto Christ. I need to allow Him to teach me how to feel in a way that is pleasing unto Him. I need to deny my flesh.
“For if I suffer, having the mind of Christ towards it I will no longer be living just to please myself, doing whatever is easy and running from all that is hard. But I will be able to live for what God wills and not by my feelings and carnal thoughts.”~ Joyce Meyer, ‘The Battlefield of the Mind’
Even though the process of denying my flesh and choosing faith over feelings hurts, I know that I am guarding my heart from premature pain and allowing God write my love story which I mean, is an absolute honour. My guy created the world and everything in it in 6 days and He wants to be author of my love story? Naah, I’d be a fool not to let Him forreal forreal.
“So that (s)he can no longer spend the rest of his natural life living by (his/her) human appetites and desires, but ((s)he lives) for what God wills.”1 Peter 4:2
God’s version of events will always, always, ALWAYS be better than mine. So I choose to keep waiting upon Him, keep letting Him in, keep allowing Him guide me and order my steps.
“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”Psalms 37:4
“At the right time, I, the Lord will make it happen”Isaiah 60:22
The Word of God doesn’t lie. As much as I do crave affection & romance and all of that good stuff (#ILOVELURVVVEEE😫😂), it has to be according to His timing. I have to be so satisfied with Him first that no one else takes His place but rather amplifies my faith and points me to His face.
This is my prayer.
How do you deal with them feels?
It has to be ‘Everlasting God.’ There are so many versions of this stunning song but as I type, Fellowship Church’s version is playing so beautifully from my speakers. So their version it is!
This song to me is beautiful to me for various reasons but mainly due to the fact that as I was refurbishing my Instagram today (aesthetics people, v.v important) I realised that the season I’m in right now with God is just enjoying Him. Just loving on Him, fixing my eyes on Him and seeing Him as the only who can fill me up and make me feel such deep levels of love and admiration.
He is truly my light and my salvation – giving me the energy I need and saving me from my own demise. So essentially, Psalms 27:1 was the verse that kinda defined my day and though I knew it had been the inspiration for a song and could sing the melody, I hadn’t bothered to search for it. So how divinely orchestrated was it that my shuffle playlist ended up playing the song, (and twice now!) As I listened, another lyric stood out to me:
“I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord.”– ‘Everlasting God’, William Murphy
So I pray as you listen, you are encouraged knowing that His promises and word does not return to Him void (Isaiah 55:11). I declare over your life right now that you will see these promises fulfilled and will recognise that He never left, He will not abandon you, you are the work of His hands, His favourite project and He will perfect all that concerns you, In Jesus’ Mighty Name, AMEN.
Sending Peace & Love (always),