Selfish Cells

🌙 

no one really knows 
the silent battles we have to face 
the pains we have to brace 
the storms we have to brave 

it’s all internal 
we can’t see it 
yet we feel it 
it’s within 


the mental gymnastics 
of deciding - can I handle it? 
can we do this without 
apologising 
apologising for it the next day 
when everyone’s asleep 
and well, we’re in 
pain 

the pain of letting someone down 
of having to turn that frown upside down 
by force 
because we have so much to live for 
of course 


but sometimes it’s just long 
sometimes it’s just annoying and wrong 
wrong to have to feel this way 
as the weather changes 
leaves fall 
temperature endangers 
species dying out 
just like these cells 
evaporating into thin air 
and leaving without a care 

without thinking how it would make me feel 
to know my body is no longer made of steel because 
you can’t protect it 
in fact you infect it 
you argue with each other, wrestle 
and next thing I know I’ve been injected 
with that morphine 
oh that saline solution 
the huff and puff of the oxygen mask 
more constant & matter of fact than evolution 


it’s a routine 
the way things are 
but not the way they should be 
because I serve a living God 
who says He’s healed me 
and I don’t want to doubt Him 
even when I shout at Him 
cause I feel He gave me this 
but then I realise He gives me bliss 

what He gave 
was His son 
died on the cross 
for all of us
 
we’ve heard the jargon 
we know the drill 
we’ve heard these same things 
we know the spiel 

but do we really stop to understand 
what 'conquering the grave' really means? 
what having 'power over death' truly is? 
how His blood truly heals? 

I don’t think I do 
in fact I’m yet to 
so I’m going to lay here in the bosom of his arms 
and let his fire refine me 
from the inside out 

I’m gonna call on His name 
the only name that saves 
and pray 
and declare 
and say 

I am healed. 
I am sane. 
sickle cell, have your way 
because you won’t hurt me any longer 
you won’t fight, vying for my attention 
you won’t put asunder 

I am redeemed 
I’ve been set free 
thanks be to God 
for I am healed.

4 thoughts on “Selfish Cells

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