“For you are to be a pure container of Christ and dedicated to the honourable purposes of your Master, prepared for every good work that he gives you to do.”2 Timothy 2:21 TPT
When I was 14 years old, a guy called me ‘frigid.’ It wasn’t me just hearing things or generalising sentences but he quite literally looked at me and asked,
“Why are you so frigid?”
That question stuck with me for years and I began to look for any means, any means necessary to erase this characteristic I felt had been placed upon me and remained engrained in my personality, like venom that binds your cells together (forgive me, I watched the Twilight Saga recently and the image of Bella’s vampire-transformation has stuck with me in a very vivid way – if you don’t know, get to know😉).
Before we get into it, let’s define ‘frigid’ shall we?
frigid | /ˈfrɪdʒɪd/ | adjective : stiff or formal in behaviour or style
So I took this definition and ran with it. You see, I’d always been referred to as ‘pretty’ (whether or not I had truly believed it for myself is well – another story) but ‘frigid’? I felt my heart deflate as he asked me that question. I felt the years spent building up an illusion of confidence that I was pretty and the sudden fame I had experienced from guys finally noticing me at that age simply diminish due to that question, simply fall into obscurity and be reduced to absolutely nothing.
I prided myself in at least being a ‘pretty girl’ who could turn a few heads here or there but suddenly after hearing the word ‘frigid’ as a new form of association, I decided ‘pretty’ was no longer enough.
I wanted to be sexy.
I wanted to let loose & be fun.
I wanted to be flirtatious & dangerous.
I wanted to be hot.
I wanted to be…more than just a pretty face.
In fact, I put that saying up on my wall in Year 12. I told myself – ‘yeaaah, this is motivation to excel academically, to be more intelligent and let people be appeased by my brain and intellect.’ (insert-a-crazy-obsession-with-Dr-Cristina-Yang) But deep inside, I knew that was a lie. I knew that my desire to be ‘more’ was rooted in wanting to be desired, wanting the validation of the male gaze, wanting to be sexually attractive and arousing.
The word ‘frigid’ denoted the opposite so I was working to imbibe it’s antonym – ‘passionate.’ I wanted the yellow in me to turn to red and to essentially be seen as a vixen not an angel.
Why? because I felt I was not enough.
I allowed a word define what I needed to be over who I already was.
I became exactly what I seemed to be running away from – a bland personality because truth be told I had no personality, I lost mine in the process of running away from it to become what I thought would please someone else.
It’s crazy how that happens right? How we fail to embrace the beauty of authenticity, of being who God’s called us to be, of living life effortlessly through simply being ourselves due to a desire to assimilate to a character that isn’t ours. We become ungrateful, disillusioned and essentially complete liars, because maintaining a facade is two times the work it takes to simply be ourselves.
I started this website with a post titled, ‘Be Yourself.’ I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I hadn’t been myself for a long time and was realising that this was the source of a lot of my insecurities. It’s been a daily process to erase the mentality I once had and I thank God for God because without Him holding up a mirror as to who I really was, I would still be lost.
God showed me the true me.
The me that is beautiful beyond compare, (Songs of Solomon 4:7) the me that looks like Him and is fashioned in His image, (Genesis 1:26) the me that is the salt of this world.
“Your lives are like salt among the people. But if you, like salt, become bland, how can your ‘saltiness’ be restored? Flavorless salt is good for nothing and will be thrown out and trampled on by others.”Matthew 5:13 TPT
This metaphor is something that has stuck with me over the past few months. I received it as a prophetic word from my leaders at Church and I thank God for their sensitivity in sharing this word with me because each day I recognise how much I needed it.
Do you know what ‘becoming bland’ is? I believe becoming bland is a dilution of oneself, it’s an erasure of the innate qualities, traits & gifts God placed in you and you alone. It’s a rejection of yourself and placing a different person – perhaps real or fabricated – above whom God has created. It’s dangerous because ‘becoming bland’ is a loss of the true essence of something.
Salt as a mineral loses all function when it becomes bland. As the Word says, ‘it’s good’ (because all God created is good) but instead, ‘it’s good for nothing.’ It cannot be used. We cannot be vessels that God sees and knows He cannot use. We cannot become empty shells with a lack of true purpose. And all that will culminate due to a lack of accepting the identity God set apart for us, as individuals and as Christians.
As believers, we are literally set apart, made holy, because of our relationship with the one who bridges the gap between a holy God and sinful human beings.– ‘What’s the Big Deal about Holiness?’, Ann Spangler
So if I’ve been compared to salt in His word and even reiterated via prophecy, the dumbing down of myself, questioning/second-guessing myself, giving myself* to someone other than God are clear examples of choosing blandness over the saltiness God has called me to be.
(* not giving of which is moreso choosing to share God’s glory within me with others whilst totally giving myself is allowing myself to be lost in someone else.)
We are meant to stand out.
We are meant to be different.
We are meant to be ‘weird’ to the world.
We are meant to be noticed.
Because, the Holy Spirit isn’t mute, He causes change wherever he goes and because I am a host of that spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16) I carry that same presence and power with all glory, ALL GLORY going to Him.
Ultimately, any “good” you see in me, is Him.
So I am choosing not to reject that good and glorify my version of good above His. I am choosing to love myself thoroughly and love others in the exact same way. I am choosing to want more than just a pretty face, and guess what that ‘more’ is now?
One word – JESUS.
The #SOUNDOFJERICHO today is a prayer. I want to pray that as you read this you begin to accept yourself exactly how God has created you. He made you beautiful, he called you His daughter/son and wants to have you as His own. He wants to give you a purpose and a hope. He wants to infect you with everlasting joy and fill your heart with a love and zest for life like never before. He wants to enlarge your vision to see as He sees. He wants to give you peace knowing that He can handle every situation that comes your way.
All this and MORE he wants for you.
And it’s yours, if you simply have Faith and invite Him into your life today. So if that’s what you want, if that’s the choice you truly desire to make today then please say this prayer with me:
Congratulations! You’ve made the greatest choice you could ever make. What’s next? Getting to know Him more and falling deeper in love with the one who first loved you. Everything you need to know is written in His Word – the bible which you can access easily here.
I pray you remain at peace knowing and believing that God loves you and wants more for you than you could ever comprehend.
Peace & Love, (always)