So after weeks of being badgered by my older sister, I started watching the popular TV show, ‘Marvelous Mrs.Maisel.’ Apart from being a “pausetolaughcauseIdon’twannamissanymoment” type of show, in other words – drop dead HILARIOUS, it’s a highly topical show teaching me so much about what it’s meant and still means to be a woman. Now this post is not solely about my search to understand and fully revel in my womanhood (to be continued..) but rather I point this out to showcase the links I’ve found between a few thoughts I had a while ago and this new show that’s had quite the impact on my mind.
In an episode where the titular character (yup, you guessed it – Mrs.Maisel) goes off on a semi-rant/monologue/epic stand-up performance, she made a vital statement which I’d like to share:
I’ve asked myself this question so many times in my life. You see, I’ve suffered from a disease known as chronic self-deprecation. I’ve doubted, compared, distrusted myself for as long as I can remember. I’ve not been kind enough to myself. I’ve decided I was easily forgettable and felt it was simply a character trait I’d have to live with all my life. I chose to ‘live with’ the fact that I was invisible. These are all the types of harrowing, dangerous statements I lorded over myself for years, not realising the collateral damage that ensued as a result.
This year, not only has God through His Holy Spirit forced me to undo this damage, but He’s forced me to acknowledge that all my thoughts about myself were…lies.
“Why are you trying to hide what God put in you anyway?”~ Karina Karunwi
I was referred to as ‘salt’ recently. God sent members of this amazing fellowship I joined a few months ago to remind me of the truth, the truth of what God sees – one of these truths being that I am ‘salt.’
“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.”
As I’ve pondered over the significance of ‘salt’ and God identifying us as this, I’ve come to realise how deep this concept truly is.
- Salt is a form of enhancement. I mean you can tell when a meal lacks it and it makes all the difference when it finally makes an appearance.
- Salt is a form of preservation. It keeps things fresh and sustains items that might otherwise go off without it.
Salt is needed. It has a purpose, an intrinsic purpose that cannot be debated nor questioned.
Are you noticing a trend here? I finally am. I’m finally recognising that I wasn’t made to be invisible, I was called to stand out. I was called to make a difference in any room I walk into because I am a child of God. That one fact is my source of value – not anything I’ve said or done or worn – just through dedicating my life to Jesus Christ, I no longer live a life of anonymity.
I am not called to be small,
I am called to live large enough to proclaim His name at the top of my lungs in whatever arena life leads me to.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
I’m called to be different in how I treat God’s people i.e. everyone because we are all His, all born in His image with a specific purpose He’s placed within us that will bring glory to His name. God’s love is actionable and hence if I am called to emulate this love as the scripture above indicates, if I am to live authentically as a child of God, then I need to start by accepting myself, loving myself before I can love others effectively. These actions require me to stop believing the lies I placed upon myself for the longest time and to start believing the facts:
JESUS BELIEVED IT WAS WORTH SACRIFICING HIS LIFE ON THE CROSS FOR ME. THEREFORE, I AM WORTH SOMETHING.
It’s definitely been a process dismantling the wall of lies I had created for years in my mind but with the help of other like-minded individuals, it’s gotten better. I can now see the thin veil of protection I created with these lies and how I was prone to self-destruct as a result of them. I can see how they are quite literally the opposite of what God’s word and the prophecies over my life have told me. I mean I was told through another member of my fellowship that I am ‘God’s Showroom!’ Do you know what that meant for a girl who can spend hours at IKEA just going through every single detail of their showrooms? Naaah, on a serious note that one hit me, it hit me hard. To visualise that God sees me, lil old me and better yet wants to use me? As an example of his splendour? Of his glory? It still gives me chills till this day! And it’s mainly because it proves that I had clearly been defining myself wrongly all these years and doing so according to some warped standard that suggested I was ‘less than’ when God has said I’m more than enough.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.Ephesians 2:10
I’m quite literally God’s personal project who he yearns to spend time on. According to renner.org, “…The Spirit has an all-consuming and passionate desire to have more and more of us. In fact, this desire to possess us is so strong that He literally yearns, craves, and pines after us.” He wants us to know more. Know more about Him, know more of the truth in regards to His plans for mankind.
God our Savior . . . desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth1 Timothy 2:3-4
He wants the best for us. But we have to want the best for us too. We have to CHOOSE to trust these facts and never question them. We have to be kinder to ourselves. We have to love ourselves. It’s as simple as that.
For the longest time I felt it would be the longest process to get to that place of optimum self-acceptance and love. However after a conversation with a friend of mine, I’m learning that it’s simply about making that decision of viewing yourself how God views you and ridding yourself of any voice in your head that tells you otherwise. After which you repeat this – over and over and over again until it simply becomes an immoveable fact. We have to be prepared to do it and keep doing it for the rest of our lives. (Word to Camilla Mukungu of Camilla Speaks)
“Self love is a commitment to action”~ Blissful Pursuit
So let’s act on this shall we? Let’s choose to be kinder to ourselves and to reject anything that goes against who God says we are. Let’s make a pact to do that – today and everyday.
“We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.”2 Corinthians 10:5
Peace & Love,