You took the time and effort to get to know me My heart My mind My thoughts My behavioural patterns My body My actions You get me, exactly how I need to be - Gotten Exactly how I need to be sought and You love me. You LOVE me.
Me? A little girl searching for her identity Trying to understand why I flee Why I run Why I’m scared to be vulnerable Cause I don’t like my own thoughts I don’t like my actions and how they make me react and I don’t always like me I’m disappointed in me
But you? You are great, infinite, mighty, wise, kind all of that and more intertwined You made me bold with strength in my soul David’s words not mine but it’s the same spirit he experienced flooding through his spine, tingling in his fingers inspiring him to write That does the same for mine You know my thoughts before I think them You envelope me with your protection Surrounded, engulfed, overwhelmed By your love
This love that truly doesn’t make sense It’s too much It’s pure It’s forgiving It’s you
Why are you always trying to skip ahead? You head, you mind of mine? Why can’t you just stop And see that you are fine Cause Christ calls you ‘mine’ He’s mined and searched and dug all night An actual excavation A lifetime’s worth of preservation Is where my secrets and iniquity lie
Yet you take the time You choose to have the time To mine and search and dig up my mind Layer by layer Thought by thought Wave by wave Transmission by transmission Each one handled with such precision
I have a vision of you Tired and worn out in that ditch I create daily, those situations I can’t explain But you keep going The job isn’t done until my soul is won Over and over again
You touch me and everything feels okay again Suddenly I can breathe again I can see again The mud and saliva All mixed to establish my survival
This intimacy is like none other No one gets us Our relationship is the only one I can trust The only one I can thrust myself into Wholeheartedly
Because even when I don’t ‘feel’ like it Even when I’d rather curl up in my bed and cry You look me in the eye And say: ‘baby girl, it’s time’ time we talk this out Time we sort this out Time we remove the doubt
Let’s be honest Let’s be free Let’s be naked Shall we?
In my lowest of lows In my highest of highs You are there, you are kind I can’t hide I won’t thrive Without you by my side Without you in my mind Without you in my sight Without you as my light
Even when I will bad things You are there to spin them Into goodness Into what you say I deserve You see it all You want it all As dirty and sour as it all is As confused as I am As stupid as I feel
Is this really what is making me feel? I want to be stone cold I don’t wanna have blisters I don’t wanna mould fear to be my crutch But it sucks Because that seems to be what’s stuck All my life Scared and afraid of the night Afraid I’ll be the reason for my own demise
‘What’s good about this day?’ I struggle to articulate I struggle to be that sunshine everyone seems to hail ‘You’re so full of joy, so positive’ Sometimes I feel the opposite And then it makes me positive That maybe I’m not okay Maybe my smile is fake Maybe the pain is the only thing that feels safe
I try to put the lights off But you’ve kept them on Permanently I can’t even try to be Depressed
As hard as I try Because you’ve given me something You’ve given me life With you And we will live happily ever after Because you are my rafter in the storm You are my ice lolly when it’s warm You are my anchor when I swarm and sway
Influenced by the waves My thoughts that come in various shades Some dark Some light Some just so bad I can’t even begin to highlight It’s all the same to you Thoughts you want to know Thoughts you will hold in your hands And transform to feel like peace No matter my plan Cause yours is better (I can finally admit)
I think I know my body But I still learn new things As I grow daily But you made me So you know how things work How they operate How they were formed Your factory is intense man Making us humans so complex man Yet our complexity still reeks of simplicity to you Our ways not your ways Thoughts ? Nah, they’re not yours
Extraordinary Extra: we’re to be boasted about Ordinary: we’re nothing without you Your favourite creation You saw us and were extremely happy Wow, I make you that happy? Who is me? Who am I? Just a little child That still yearns to be by your side.