It’s like a crutch I love holding. I have been a relentless worrier for as long as I can remember. I remember being so young, probably 5 or 6 years old and rushing about feeling as though the sky was falling or would fall if I hadn’t achieved such and such. It got so bad that one of my teachers actually advised my mum that she needs to get me stop worrying.
I never for once recognised or acknowledged the reliance on worrying as a source of temptation. As a stronghold that tends to obliterate the logic that is Jesus Christ and His Word in my life.
I worry that this person thinks less of me.
I worry that I am not taken seriously.
I worry that I worry too much.
I worry that I haven’t achieved enough.
I worry that I won’t be good enough – for that job, or future, or masters.
I worry that I will fail.
I worry that I don’t eat enough.
I worry that I am subconsciously stressed.
I worry that I don’t talk to God enough about it or read my Bible.
I worry that I avoid church.
I worry that my parents will die prematurely or will die eventually and I won’t feel ready to continue to live life beyond that.
I worry that I won’t meet my life partner and that if I do, it’ll be too good to be true and he’ll be AS and hence a union between us won’t be a success.
I worry that my craft – writing, designing, event planning isn’t good enough.
I worry that I procrastinate a lot.
I worry that I isolate myself.
I worry that there’s no one to talk to about it.
I worry that I miss my family.
I worry that I still struggle with masturbation and pornography even though I know it doesn’t produce any sort of joy or satisfaction in me.
I worry I fail Jesus constantly as an Ambassador and don’t speak up for Him when needed.
I worry that people may think too highly of me and not realise I’m not perfect.
I worry that I’m constantly putting myself down.
I worry that I’m not enough.
I worry that I don’t always know the right things to say for my friends.
I worry that I love the sound of my own voice/advice that I don’t a) take it myself b) listen to others
I worry that I’m always looking to argue
I worry that my thoughts can be so negative at times
I worry that I body shame myself and others
I worry that I am so judgemental at times it’s disgusting
I worry that I put on a smile way too much even when that’s not what I’m feeling
I worry that the littlest things can bring worry and stress and irritation
I worry that I can be so easily irritable
I worry that I am too lazy to actualise certain wishes e.g. eating better, becoming vegetarian or pescetarian and doing the necessary research to ensure it agrees with my health status, caring more about the climate and looking for the little ways I can be part of that change, finding fun ways to exercise, waking up early, sleeping early, scrapbooking, writing on this blog more, spending less time on social media, finding my news from outlets other than E! News, educating myself on Nigerian history & politics, reading more and finishing the damn book, listening to more gospel music, listening to more sermons/podcats, reading more books in the bible, meditating on this Word more, planning and actually going on holidays for more than the pictures I will take, taking care of my natural hair and body in general, taking my medicine more regularly, bullet journal-ing, practising makeup, drinking more water, eating more fruit, having a cut off eating time, eating at more regular times
I worry that once I put these things out there, the devil is ready to shut them down and I allow him to by telling myself: “I say this yet it probably won’t happen”
I worry I won’t be the woman God wants me to be
I worry I allow time to dictate what I can achieve in my day
I worry that I want to be alone too much
I worry that I don’t open my heart up to people I’ve willed myself to not like
Writing all of this down has been extremely therapeutic and allowed me vent in a way I haven’t in a while. I crave peace man. I just crave peace and knowing God has got it all under control because there’s no other way to live.
‘Shoulders’ by for KING & COUNTRY: Trust me, the walls in your life can & will come down with this song as a soundtrack to it.
My strength comes from you
You’re right there pulling me through
You carry the weight of the world
And you’re lifting me up on your
He carries you when you feel like you can’t even attempt to walk. The footsteps story comes to mind so I’m going to insert a link to it here.
God bless you as you listen and if you’re like me and are an incessant worrier, focus on Him. Look to him because that is the only source of any true help that renders clear results. (Psalm 121)
Peace & Love,