Legally Blonde is one of my favourite movies.
I know this may sound silly but it inspired me in so many ways and still does till this day. Apart from the fact that I relate to her love of pink and fashion and the fact that I got an orange laptop case because she had an orange laptop in the movie AAAND perhaps there’s a 5% chance I’m studying Law due to how enamoured I was with how she handled it….the movie has helped give me perspective today specifically.
So I got a grade I wasn’t exactly happy with. You know when you feel like you put in amounts of work and didn’t really reap the benefits from it? That’s exactly how I feel… the 2nd time in a row. I keep trying to make myself feel better by telling myself that “Oh, I’m just not good with exams, I HATE exams..etc etc.” But in all honesty, it’s a form of escape..a way to run away from the scary fact that sometimes you just don’t win at life. Sometimes there are falls before triumphs. And I won’t lie that’s difficult to accept.
I woke up today willing myself to believe that God works everything out for the good of those who love him, and so since I love him, I refuse to cry and expose my mind to all my insecurities. Alas, this was all much easier than said.
I did cry. I did feel like shit. I did become insecure.
Because I let myself drown in negativity. I let the idea of having the ‘perfect scores’ in my
First Year blind me from the fact that God has so much more in store for me. Ironically, he had given me a word beforehand, he said “I will surprise you.” Obviously to my human mind I took this to mean, I’d do excellently in the test and feed my ego believing that it defined my intelligence. But NO. He surprised me in the weirdest way. I decided to watch ‘Legally Blonde’ today (finally getting to the point) and after laughing for a bit, getting my results while I was watching the film made me come to the realisation that the movie paralleled exactly how I was feeling.
(This may be sharing a lot but what the hey, acknowledging my insecurities is the first step to dealing with them.) Many times I do feel blonde… in the stereotypical sense that people thought Elle Woods (the main character) was i.e. dumb. I’ve felt as though my interests in film/fashion/music/art is just not good enough and to be regarded as a “deep thinker” whose qualified to study something as academic as Law you’re expected to be more interested in Politics or Business or current affairs in general. That’s not to say I’d turn a blind eye should I be exposed to it but at the moment I rarely go out of my way to familiarise myself with such. Basically I’d rather be watching E! News than Sky News. And for the longest time I’ve felt ashamed that that’s a solid fact in my life. I’ve felt like it makes me shallow and slow and unaware of the world around me. Now although it is important to know about certain current affairs that affect not just me but those around me, I’m just not there yet and I plan to make more efforts as I mature.
However, the point I’m trying to make is that it’s SO easy to drown in your fears and your worries and insecurities. It’s SO easy to feel like the fish in the wrong pond. But what I’ve learnt from Elle in watching this movie is that she never ONCE let it drag her down, and even when she did, she got right back up. Her confidence is what motivated me when I was a young girl watching this movie back in the day and it’s what motivates me till this day. People would watch, they’d stare in disgust and point and laugh but she never once shied away from being herself. This character has taught me what SELF WORTH means. It doesn’t mean it’ll always be easy, it just means that in order to find true happiness in life you have to love YOURself first. You have take care of YOUR needs. You have to focus on YOUR goals and not let anyone’s opinions, or any grades make you feel like less than what who you are and who God has created you to be.
“For we are fearfully and wonderfully made”
I woke up to this quote this morning:
“F.L.Y.: First Love Yourself ..others will come next”
There’s nothing more attractive to me than someone who is content within themselves and sure of themselves. I’m not there yet, it’s all a journey and though I write this all teary-eyed and gut wrenched..I know for a FACT I’ll look back on this and smile and thank God for making me experience this, cause it’s all part of the journey.
And my prayer for anyone whose actually sat down to read my jargon is that you too will remain blessed and highly favoured. God will smother you with his love and remind you that you are enough and you should not only have faith in him but in yourself to achieve the things he’s set out for you.
God Bless You.
Peace & Love,