Self-Satisfaction is a struggle for me. I still don’t fully know who I am or who I want to be and that scares me to death. But after speaking to Gwen yesterday about this, I’ve learnt that it’s alright to not know. It’s alright to not have the answers. Sway didn’t yet he’s still living (even though I was so sure Kanye was gonna slap the living daylight out of him.) Anyway, I’m drifting.
My point is, I’m not perfect. Even though I physically find myself trying to be at times with the amount of pressure I place on myself, whether it be through overthinking ever word I utter or the messages I send. I’m not perfect, and that’s okay.
I’ve been trying to curb my habit of comparing myself to others who I’ve deemed ‘perfect’ for various reasons for a while now, because I’ve found that it’s not healthy. And even though my mind is telling me I can’t see the results, I’ve decided to just leave it all to God. My spirit is willing but I know for certain my flesh is ridiculously weak – and that’s what I’ve been using to curb this mentality. It just dawned on me that that’s obviously why I feel like I can’t see any improvements.
‘It feels bad now but it’s going to get better’
These are lyrics from a song my friend, Camilla just played to me literally 3 minutes ago and it was so ironic how it mirrored the wise counsel Gwen gave me. ‘Perfection IS a disease of our nation’. It’s false and only attainable by God himself. So I’m learning to try and embrace myself and the gifts God has given me. It will be hard as I’m discovering already but trying never hurts.
In the words of Gwendolyne Brown, (she go’n be gassed when/if she sees this!)
‘Acknowledging where you’re at takes you to where you’re meant to be.’
Love yourself. It’s the first step to learning how to love those around you.
Peace & Love,