Grateful for Progress

So, I’ve never been the loudest child or the first one to raise my hand in class. I mean, I’m prepared to let loose and have fun but I’ve found that I can only do that with people I know really well and feel comfortable around i.e. my family and only a select few of my friends-mainly my family if I’m being brutally honest.

Anyone who knows me will realize that I don’t flourish in social situations. I mean, I try to hide this but I know within me of the intense discomfort and awkwardness felt so sometimes my ‘acting skills’ are appalling. Anyway, the point is I’m really shy (wow took me 2 paragraphs to say that. Free me, I’m in my english lit mode). So, standing up in front of people to say anything, be it a speech or an announcement is something I try to avoid at all times.

I think it’s cause I not have only have a fear of being judged (as you should probably already have guessed from my 1st post) but I have a fear of embarrassment as well. It’s something  I’ve been trying hard to work on and I haven’t really seen any evidence that my efforts were useful…until yesterday.

Friday 21st March 2014.

4:10 precisely;

I was offered a huge boost in my confidence box.

I had been contemplating on what post to run for at school because I told myself I would need to take risks and take myself out of my comfort zone if I was ever going to achieve ridding myself of this crippling timidity. So, I finally decided to run for the post of Head of House-not because I have a stellar sports career or anything (LOL, that would be funny) but because I felt like the post involved having to organize various events. Even though I haven’t had  a lot of experience doing this, I know I’m an organized person-I’m not bigging myself up or anything but it’s just a fact. So, I thought why not? At least TRY.

So, I began willing myself to consider it. I don’t think I had fully understood what speech-making meant until I watched the girls who ran for Head Girl say their speeches.

That’s when the nerves began to kick in.

I didn’t realize so many technicalities went into speaking in front of an audience and trying to ensure they maintained maximum attention. I was so nervous for them that it made me nervous just thinking about how I’d make mine.

But, I did it.

I said my speech and it felt good. I made eye contact repeatedly which is something I’m not used to doing! I was so happy I had done it and wasn’t really too scared about the results to be honest. I mean, of course anxiety kicked in but that wasn’t until like 30 minutes towards hearing them.

So, at 4:10 there I stood in a huddle of other girls in my year waiting to hear our fate. As soon as I heard: ‘Nicholson Head: Tolu’, a huge smile was formed on my face. (Oh! I guess I revealed my name now! Hi! It’s a nice name isn’t it?)

I honestly was quite shocked because I felt I had done well but knew one of the other candidates had done just as well.

It’s nice knowing that I’m a Head, not just because of the title but because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and accomplished something I don’t think I  would have ever considered.

So now I’m creeping out of my comfort zone, where do I go from here? Well, all I can hope is that I stay creeping and continue to progress.

Peace & Love,

T

xx

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